


First Rays Of Sunlight

by Chechilia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Pancakes, Roommates, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 03:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14252388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chechilia/pseuds/Chechilia
Summary: Arthur wakes up, terribly hangover. His bed is empty, which is good. He has no recollection of the previous night, which isn't. And then there's the roommate thing.In which Merlin is the perfect roommate, Arthur can't see what is right in front of him, and sunbeams are obnoxious. And there are pancakes. Lots and lots of pancakes.





	First Rays Of Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written like this in a very long time. This is a mashup of some favorite tropes of mine (they are roommates!). I woke up one morning and found leftover pancakes in the fridge. Hence the fic.
> 
> Enjoy !

When the first ray of sunlight ghosted over his sleeping form, Arthur snuffled slightly and shifted on the bed, blearily blinking his eyes open. Whining in the most undignified manner as an excruciating pain shot up behind his eyelids, he groaned in distress and rolled over, trying to hide his face with a nearby pillow. Now that the rest of him was waking up, however, he was becoming dimly aware of his parched throat and pounding headache, the latter a vicious reminder of the previous night.

He was never, ever drinking again.

He fruitlessly tried to go back to sleep, burrowing further into the bed, until the sunbeam, more obnoxious than he'd previously thought, shifted again to land directly on his face. Arthur's feet twitched under the covers and he flipped over to lay flat on his back, recognizing his loss in the battle. Huffing heavily, he kicked his blanket away and sat up, fighting a sudden bout of nausea as his stomach rolled.

Gods, he hadn't been this hangover in years. Years - ever since he'd learn to avoid Gwaine's parties like the plague.

Running his tongue over his teeth, Arthur grimaced at the way his mouth felt like a creature from the deepest pits of hell had crawled up there and somewhat died, the foul taste making him gag. Breathing deeply to dispel his discomfort, Arthur tried to ignore the sledgehammer humping his brain and stood up, yawning as he surveyed his room with a cursory glance. There was no used condom on the floor, which was good - he didn't remember bringing anyone home the previous night, but it wouldn't be the first time he forgot an awkward one-night stand. There were, however, a few discarded clothes on a nearby chair - his clothes, he realized, and blinked down, surprised to find himself dressed in a boxer and an oversized t-shirt he'd kept from uni, since he didn't even remember how he got home the night before.

Unaware blessing, there were also a glass of water and a couple of painkillers on his nightstand, and Arthur gratefully gulped the pills down before pulling his drawer open, rummaging for a while until he found his favorite jogging bottoms. Trying his best not to stumble and plant himself face-first on the floor, he hopped on his feet to put them on before padding slowly outside his bedroom. Distantly aware of the sounds coming from the kitchen - which wasn't surprising in itself, he did, after all, have a roommate - he went to the bathroom, grimacing at the sight of his face in the mirror.

He looked like death warmed up in a cranky oven and sprinkled with unholy spices.

His blond hair, ordinarily soft and shiny, was plastered to his forehead, limp and dull. His bloodshot eyes seemed to plead him to grab a pair of sunglasses to fight off the neon's light, and a rough stubble was beginning to prickle at his cheeks and chin. Balefully grabbing a toothbrush - it wouldn't do well to dwell on his appearance, and besides, he didn't exactly want to remember how he'd ended up like this in the first place - Arthur roughly tried to erase the distasteful flavor on his tongue then drank a glass of water and splashed some on his face, hoping to feel, if not really cleaned up, at least more human.

Bracing himself, he followed the sounds of various pans clanking together to the kitchen, his nose assaulted by the smell of fizzling butter and brewing coffee. Facing east, just like his bedroom, the kitchen was small without feeling cramped, with his various wooden cupboards delicately touched by sunlight despite how early it was - he hadn't thought to sneak a glance at his alarm clock, but it couldn't be more than 7am.

Stepping forward, Arthur froze in the doorway when he caught sight of Merlin, his incredibly annoying and infuriatingly attractive roommate, humming under his breath with earbuds sticking out of his overly large ears. Dressed in soft pajama bottoms and a threadbare rainbow t-shirt that his mother had dyed herself for his first pride, he was wiggling his butt to the music, and Arthur's brain short-circuited there and then.

Because it was Merlin, the source of Arthur's unshakable attraction and subsequent misery. Merlin, with his dark curls and blue eyes and sunny smile. Merlin, and the way his mere voice was enough to send shivers down Arthur's spine. But that alone would have been alright - it wasn't the first time Arthur was even attracted to someone, he would have been able to cope - if not for the way his heart seemed to beat out of his chest every time Merlin so much as smiled at him (or touched him, or even looked at him, for fuck's sake). It didn't help that Merlin, on top of being gorgeous, was also insanely smart and witty and kind.

Merlin, his roommate and friend of three years, who was also the very reason Arthur had come out to his father the night before - and oh, right, that explained the hungover.

"Oh good, you're awake."

Arthur was startled out of his contemplation by the sound of Merlin's voice, who had turned around sometimes during Arthur's introspection to put a few pancakes on a plate, grabbing the bowl resting on the counter and pouring a generous amount of batter into the pan.

"I'm...yeah." Arthur raked a nervous hand through his hair, heat prickling at the back of his neck. Merlin's smile was soft, if a bit wary, and Arthur belatedly remembered that Merlin wasn't supposed to be up so early : one, because he never woke up before Arthur, and second, because he was usually out like a light whenever he came home from a night shift. "Aren't you supposed to be working ?"

Merlin hummed as he removed his earphones, turning back to the pan, and motioned to the pile of pancakes with one hand :

"Help yourself. There's strawberry jam in the cupboard, and probably chocolate somewhere, if you're feeling fancy."

Arthur grunted his acknowledgement as he went to fetch the items, snatching Merlin's favorite sugar on the way. Balancing both jam and sugar in one hand, he slid behind Merlin to grab the coffee pot before settling at the kitchen table - a solid, wooden thing Merlin had inherited from some estranged great uncle he'd never met.

Waiting in comfortable silence as Merlin finished his task - he never started eating until Merlin was done cooking, on principle - Arthur poured them both a mug of coffee, staring thoughtfully at the steam rising into the air. The painkillers were starting to take effect, dulling his senses and forcing his headache to retreat to the back of his mind, which in turn left some space for other thoughts.

Truth was, there was a lot he didn't remember from the previous night. Granted, his argument with his father was more than vivid in his mind, but whatever had happened next remained a mystery. He'd probably visited some bar and gotten smashingly drunk, but beyond that, he had no recollection of events. Raising wondering eyes at Merlin, he swallowed back his questions, preferring to watch Merlin as he started humming again, his foot tapping rhythmically on the ground.

Once he was done, Merlin settled the huge stack of pancakes on the table and haphazardly piled up the dishes in the sink, not even bothering to rinse them. His eyes crinkled at Arthur's raised eyebrow, robbing the other man of his breath :

"You're on cleaning duty for the next two weeks or so," Merlin gleefully informed him. "I did my part last night, thank you very much."

Arthur's features turned blank as Merlin lazily leaned his gangly form against the kitchen counter, a twinkle of mirth dancing in his eyes.

"Uh ?"

Merlin shook his head at Arthur's rejoinder, faintly amused :

"Didn't you notice ? Your sheets haven't been magically changed, you know."

"My sheets ?" Arthur repeated, frowning, before a memory flashed in his head and he groaned. Loudly. "Fuck no," he cursed, leveling Merlin with pleading eyes. "Tell me I didn't."

"Oooh yes, you did," Merlin replied, his grin like that of a feral cat ready to pounce on his prey. "Been sick all over the bed. I had to wash everything and clean you up before letting you sleep," he explained, nose wrinkled in obvious displeasure.

"Fuck, Merlin, I'm really sorry," Arthur mumbled, face flushing in embarrassment. "I didn't think... Sorry."

Merlin nodded, waving away his stammered apologies.

"As I said, you're on cleaning duty for a while." He shrugged, a smirk tugging at his lips. "That's your favorite thing to do anyway."

Arthur shook his head, lips twisted in a wry smile. While he'd always been the most neat-picking of the two, cleaning wasn't exactly a favored occupation of his. Studiously ignoring the shame heating up his neck, he looked back at Merlin just in time to see a fleeting shadow overcome his features. Merlin's expression turned guarded as he abandoned the counter to sit next to Arthur, and he blew on his coffee before taking a cautious sip :

"Care to tell me what happened last night ?" he asked after a second of silence and a sigh, carefully eyeing Arthur."I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but you were a right mess." He looked away, worrying his lips in an utterly distracting manner - not that Arthur noticed for once, mind too preoccupied to scramble up some excuse. "It was...Arthur, it was really bad."

Arthur pressed his eyelids closed, exhaling slowly to unravel the sudden tension knotting along his back. He started toying with his plate, the pancakes leisurely cooling between them.

"What exactly happened last night ?" he asked, deflecting.

"What do you remember ?" Merlin countered, taking another sip of his coffee before grabbing his fork, snatching a few pancakes from the plate. He took in Arthur's deadpan look and allowed a soft sigh to escape his lips. "Not much, I gather." He added some dark, unprocessed brown sugar to his plate and ate a small bite, eyes fluttering shut in bliss before looking back at Arthur, who swallowed dryly. "Last night," Merlin started hesitantly, "you went to The Rising Sun. You didn't cause any trouble, apparently, but you drank. A lot." Gaze unfocused, he pushed the pancakes at Arthur, who dutifully piled a few on his plate, slathering them in strawberry jam before digging in. "When it was time to close up, you were drunk out of your mind, so the bartender didn't trust a cab to take you home. He made you unlock your phone and dialed the last number you texted. Percival called Gwaine, who called me, and I came to pick you up."

Arthur's head snapped up in shock :

"But you were working last night !" he exclaimed indignantly. "Why would you..."

Merlin simply shrugged :

"It was important," was all the justification he offered, a small smile playing on his lips. "Gwen covered my shift, said I owed her big time. So I left the hospital and took you home."

Arthur resisted the urge to face plant on his plate, if only to hide his discomfort.

"The lady's an angel," he mumbled. "You should give her Lance's number, they'd be disgustingly sweet together."

Merlin's shoulders shook in silent laughter. "They would," he agreed. His blue eyes twinkled. "You know, I might do just that, I don't really fancy giving up on my most interesting surgeries to cover a round of stitches in A&E." It was a familiar tale of his : both surgeons specialized in pediatric care, Gwen and him had a habit of battling for the most interesting cases, trading favors in form of the most well-behaved children and repaying others with challenging operations. The tradings were the talk of the hospital, their antics seemingly carefree, yet Arthur knew the exchange was only used to offer their patients the best care possible, in accordance of each's strongest points.

The corner of Merlin's lips lifted upward at Arthur's staring, his smile an easy one, until his expression shrouded again in cloudy concern and he turned serious :

"Will you ever tell me ?" he asked again, almost pleading - and Arthur wonder why he would : didn't he know Arthur would give him anything if only he just asked ? "It's just," Merlin started, then stopped, then started again, raking a frustrated hand through thick strands of hair - and for the first time Arthur noticed the dark bags under his eyes. "It's just, I know everyone acts differently after a few drinks - I mean, I'm a clingy drunk, always cuddling the shit out of everyone, but you're rather a moody one, and you talk, Arthur." He pressed his palm against a closed eyelid, as if pained. "You _talk_."

Arthur's fork froze midway to his mouth, and it's with a tremor in his hand that he put it back on his plate. He poured himself some more coffee instead, gulping down the scalding liquid if only to avoid looking at Merlin.

"What did I say ?" he finally asked, his voice, to his utter dismay, croaky rather than assured.

"You didn't say much," Merlin admitted, mindlessly swirling his coffee as his teeth worried his lower lip. It was a nervous tic Merlin had never grown out of, but Arthur had never told him he found it rather endearing. "You mentioned your father, which is rarely good in itself, but...You insulted his _goddamn bigoted closet_ ?" Arthur hung his head, knowing that the meaning of those words were anything but innocent. "And you said..." Merlin swallowed, breathed in deeply, swallowed again. "You said that I had the loveliest lips you'd ever seen. That you wanted to kiss me _all the damn time_."

Arthur felt his cheeks heat up, mortified, and refused to meet Merlin's gaze. He owed him an explanation, though, he knew that much. Merlin deserved better than to be brushed away after this. He deserved the truth ; should the truth draw a chasm between them, Merlin deserved a choice in the matter too.

"Yesterday..." Arthur cleared his raspy throat, fingers clenching around his mug. "Yesterday, I came out to my father."

He looked up at Merlin's sharp intake of breath and found him gaping, mouth hanging open comically :

"You...what ?"

Arthur would have laughed if his heart wasn't thumping so fast in his chest.

"But you're...I didn't know you were..."

"Not straight," Arthur completed with a wry smile, when it became clear Merlin wouldn't end his sentence. His friend seemed frozen in time, eyes incredibly wide and incredibly blue, shocked, but there was a new light there too, a kind of understanding that prompted Arthur to add : "Yesterday, I told my father that I wasn't solely attracted to women. He threw a hissy fit, like you can imagine - worst than Morgana in her best days. Seriously, I thought he was an angry cat who'd been forced to take a bath."

That, at least, startled a chuckle out of Merlin, who still looked shell-shocked but whose mouth had finally clicked shut. "He threatened a number of things if I didn't settle down to marry properly," Arthur started again, "because, and I quote, _no self respecting individual would engage in such deviant activities_." Merlin cursed, clutched fingers threatening to shatter his mug. "But he truly lost it when I reminded him that his own wife had been in a steady relationship with a woman for the better part of five years. I mean, Nimueh didn't play the awkward aunt for nothing." Arthur looked away, twirling his fork between numb fingers, and swallowed noisily. "She was the only one who knew, back then. She's been really supportive."

Merlin nodded absent-mindedly, gaze flickering between Arthur and his half-eaten pancakes without settling once. "It's good," he finally said, face blank. "I had no idea, but it's good. You deserve someone who fully supports you."

Arthur knew he didn't imagine the hurt coating Merlin's words, and he could understand : he would be hurt, too, if his closest friend had silenced such an important part of himself, for years, without being offered the opportunity to help where he could - and it hit even deeper considering Merlin himself was gay. He didn't have to explain himself though, and Merlin didn't ask it of him, shaking his head instead to offer Arthur a small smile - not sad nor subdued, and warm like a bonfire on a winter's night.

"So you're bi then ?" Merlin's voice was cautious, curious but not at all judgmental. And he wouldn't be, Arthur knew all along, but it soothed him nonetheless that he didn't risk loosing Merlin like he lost his father, to narrow-mindness and prejudices. Arthur shrugged, voicing his preferences for the first time in years : "I guess," he replied. "I mean, I've never given it much thought past the _not straight_ realization, but..." Arthur forced himself to take a bite of pancakes, gathering his thoughts before adding : "I've have been attracted to both men and women in the past, even if I don't care much either way. So yeah. Bisexual seems about right."

Merlin nodded "Right, yeah." He swallowed with difficulty, as if his throat was closed tight. "That's... Yeah." He looked distraught somehow, his feet unconsciously tapping an uneven rhythm on the floor. It was the way Merlin wouldn't meet his eyes, however, that ignited the first spark of fear in Arthur's heart.

"Merlin ?"

His friend took a deep breath, turning his head away for a second, utterly silent but biting his lips raw in a telltale sin of nervousness. He seemed to come to a decision and turned back to meet Arthur's eyes head on, a clash of blue against blue, earnest skies against restless oceans. "Arthur, I need to ask. What you told your father, what you said...when I put you to bed, about my lips...why ?"

Arthur's entire perception narrowed to the way Merlin's eyes were shining, untamed feelings finally set free from the prison of his fears and roaming intently under his skin. It was a curious sensation, to settle into one's body, heart beating in sync with the yearning in his mind, chest burning with it until he was left, gasping and unrestrained, to look back at Merlin, truth on the tip of his tongue. If there was ever a moment to stop being a coward, he reflected, it was there and then.

"Because I love you," Arthur simply said, and Merlin's breath hitched. A small, honest smile played at the corner of Arthur's lips. "Because I'm in love with you and it has become a too big part of me to ignore or push back any longer. And because I don't want to. Push it back any longer, I mean."

Merlin's gaze was lost somewhere in the hollow of Arthur's throat, his eyes glistening suspiciously, and his breathing was labored. He inhaled deeply, fingers clenching and unclenching around his now empty mug as if it was the only thing preventing him from falling apart. Letting out a shuddering sigh, he looked up, finding Arthur's unrelenting eyes with such intensity that Arthur had to look away :

"I don't know what to say," he admitted softly. "It's...a lot to take in."

"You don't have to say anything," Arthur replied. He breathed in, hands shaking faintly. "Listen, Merlin." The words felt torn from his throat, but he'd promised himself he would be fully honest. No matter what. "I understand if you'd rather not be so close to me anymore. But I want you to know that I can handle it. I mean, you don't have to move out or anything, it's not as if I'm not used to it, I just wanted you to know. You don't have to worry about me."

Merlin choked on a disbelieving laugh, until his features softened with understanding :

"That's why you didn't want to tell me before," he said, voice hoarse, more for himself than Arthur's benefit. "You were afraid I would leave you."

Arthur's silence was answer enough. It wasn't a rational thought, he was aware of that - Merlin wouldn't throw away three years of friendship in the span of a heartbeat - but he'd seen more than one relationship crumble under the weight of unrequited feelings. It wasn't something he would wish on anyone.

"Arthur."

Merlin's voice was a demand and a plea both, prompting Arthur to raise his head again.

"I thought...Arthur," Merlin huffed, self-deprecating, and tentatively reached out to take Arthur's hand in his. "I thought I couldn't make it more obvious if I _tried_."

Arthur's heart missed a beat before restarting two-fold, and the ringing in his ears made him fear he didn't hear right.

"Uh?"

Merlin shook his head, smile unbearably fond :

" _Arthur_. I gave up my most interesting surgery this week to fetch you at The Rising Sun. I undressed you, cleaned the sheets, put you to bed. I know, I would have done it for any of our friends if necessary, but..." His expression turned earnest. "Why do you think I was up at the rat's arse of dawn just to make sure you could have fresh pancakes for breakfast ?" His hand tightened on Arthur's, gentle yet firm, and Arthur could have drowned in the warmth of his eyes. "I wouldn't do it just for anyone. I value my sleep, you know."

"What does it mean ?" Arthur croaked out, for once powerless to engage in his and Merlin's custom banter, head swimming as the reality of Merlin's words crashed upon him.

Merlin briefly closed his eyes, as if he couldn't believe Arthur could be so dense :

"It means I've been pining for you for _years_ , you idiot," he rasped out, words jumbled with a breathless chuckle. "I just never thought..." He shrugged, as if freeing himself from an invisible weight, and smiled at Arthur, soft and sweet, a bit of a secret affection etched in the crinkle of his eyes, in the pads of his long fingers, in the sweep of his eyelashes against a prominent cheekbone. He stood, slowly as if not to startle Arthur, and bent over the corner of the table, not once releasing his hold on Arthur as his other hand came up to gently cup Arthur's face. "I love you too," he murmured, before angling his head to press a chaste kiss on Arthur's yielding lips, brushing another on his cheek, his eyelids, breath fluttering as Arthur stood utterly still, like one would when hoping a butterfly would land on an outstretched finger.

He blinked dazedly as Merlin pulled back, suddenly unsure, and it was that uncertainty, the crestfallen look that briefly shadowed Merlin's features, that snapped Arthur out of his torpor. He tugged on Merlin's hand over the table, prompting him to round the corner, before unceremoniously pulling him onto his lap. Merlin relaxed and went willingly, his body soft and inviting as he settled over Arthur, yet solid and _right_ in a way Arthur couldn't explain.

He didn't try to, and instead wrapped an arm around Merlin's waist, to hold him and nothing more. Bringing his other hand up to trail a featherlight touch over Merlin's collarbone, his chin, cheeks and forehead, he tangled his fingers in the loose strands of hair at Merlin's nape, the gesture grounding and freeing in equal measure. He pressed a kiss in the hollow of Merlin's throat, right over his pulse point, and relished in the way Merlin's breath hitched before finding his lips again, softly, mouth inquiring rather than demanding. They traded light kisses, no more than a press of lips, until Merlin's mouth opened at the caress of Arthur's tongue and the faintest whimper resounded from his throat, the kisses turning heated.

Merlin tasted of brown sugar and coffee, and his mouth was lush against Arthur's, the combination utterly intoxicating to Arthur's senses.

It's only when Arthur's hand glided along Merlin's back, creeping under his shirt to feel the skin there, that Merlin pulled away, eyes wild and lips puffy and red, slightly breathless as he rested a hand on Arthur's chest : "Wait," he exclaimed, "wait." Merlin huffed as Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, trailing his fingers up his flank and making goosebumps erupt on his skin. "I want to do this properly. Just wait." Arthur hummed, leaning back slightly to look at Merlin's sharp features, his secret smile and shining, hopeful eyes. "Arthur, will you be my boyfriend?"

Those words were ones Arthur had never hoped to hear, not from Merlin, and he knew he would cherish them for long years to come.

"That can be arranged," he said magnanimously, resisting for all of two seconds before softening his words with a goofy smile. Merlin froze, gaping, then burst out laughing, the joyous, bubbling sound like music to Arthur's ears. "You're a prat." Arthur snorted and Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, suddenly challenging. He smirked, dropped all of his weight on Arthur's lap, and slowly rolled his lips. "Merlin," Arthur choked out, looking up, pupils blown wide until there was barely a sliver of blue left. "Don't..."

Merlin's eyes widened. "Oh shit. _Arthur_." He curled a hand at Arthur's nape, kissing him long and hard, before sweeping away and standing up, looking down at Arthur with a devious smile : "But first, let's finish the pancakes."

Arthur couldn't contain it : he laughed out loud, insanely turned on yet willing to give up the prospect of sex only to spend some time eating with Merlin. That's how far gone he was. Bugger.

Snickering as if he knew exactly what effect he had on Arthur, Merlin turned away, hips swaying, and went to the fridge to grab a glass bottle filled with freshly pressed orange juice. Shifting on his chair, Arthur waited for Merlin to sit down again before engulfing an entire pancake in his mouth, Adam apple bobbing under Merlin's watchful gaze as he swallowed. His friend's - boyfriend's, Arthur corrected himself, his heart giving a delighted somersault - foot came to rest on his lap and he didn't think twice before placing a hand over Merlin's ankle, for the sake of contact and nothing else.

"You realize we'll have to talk about it ?" Merlin asked after a second of thoughtful silence, biting his lip again.

"Talk about what, exactly ?" Arthur asked, frowning.

"Well, what you want to do with the others, for one. I mean, do you want to keep it quiet, or..."

Arthur took a sip of coffee and grimaced at the cold liquid before shaking his head :

"I didn't come out to my father only to go back to the closet right after. I finally have what I've wished for for three years, I'm not giving up on it anytime soon," he said decisively, smiling indulgently at Merlin's sudden blush. "Besides, I have no intention of restraining myself from touching you in public - except if you want me to, that is - so it would be a bit of a challenge to hide our relationship at the same time."

Merlin snorted, but Arthur could tell he was relieved. As he'd told Arthur, his coming out hadn't been easy, back home - his mother had been nothing short of supportive, but the other townspeople, mostly greying and overtly religious, not so much - and he might have feared having to hide for Arthur's sake.

"So you're telling your sister, then ?" Merlin asked as he stole a pancake covered in strawberry jam from Arthur's plate.

"Yeah, I guess," Arthur replied, eyeing the pot of coffee while trying to determine if a new mug was really worth getting up right now. In the end, it was the sight of Merlin, obscenely liking his fingers with an innocent look on his face, that decided him. "You're the worst," he commented to Merlin's bright smile, shoving his foot off his lap and standing up. He ruffled Merlin's hair in passing, just because he could, and pressed a soft kiss at the top of Merlin's head, giddy from the domesticity of it. "Anyway, I'm not going to tell her _now_ , if it was you question," he precised. "She'll sooner come nosing here on the off chance that we might be shagging than congratulate me on me finally finding my true self or whatever."

"I told you, Arthur," Merlin replied, laughing, lightly smacking Arthur's backside and earning himself a raised eyebrow for his trouble. "Pancakes first. Besides," he wrinkled his nose in a way that wasn't adorable at all, dammit, "I strongly suggest a shower if you're hoping getting anywhere near my pants today. I cleaned you up the best I could, but you still smell of stale sweat and mixed alcohol. Not the sexiest combination, you'll agree."

Arthur grunted in reply, raising his newly steaming mug in the air in mock toasting. "Duly noted," he graciously said, before tilting his head in consideration. "Now that you mention it," he added, contemplating, "I seem to remember that our shower is rather big. Might even be enough to accommodate two people, if they stand close enough to each other." He eyed Merlin's flushing cheeks with a smug smile, eating the very last of his pancakes, before gathering the empty plates and piling them up in the sink, next to Merlin's utensils. Humming softly, he opened the tap to warm the water and nearly startled as he felt Merlin's arms encircle his waist, his former friend-now-boyfriend briefly resting his head between his shoulder blades before propping his chin on Arthur's shoulder. "I definitely might agree to the shower," he whispered in Arthur's ear, making him shiver as his breath ghosted over exposed skin. "But this is nice, too."

Merlin's voice was soft, if a bit wistful, and Arthur knew he was thinking about all the times they could have done this, if it hadn't been for their stubborn wish to hide their feelings from each other.

"Arthur ?"

Arthur tilted his head questioningly as he started rinsing the plates, careful to reduce his range of motion as to not dislodge Merlin from his back.

"I was wondering...How long has it been, for you ?"

His voice was small but Arthur heard him nonetheless. He shrugged :

"Long enough," he replied.

He sighed as he piled the dishes next to the sink, knowing he had to empty the dishwasher before he could put them in. He then turned around and pulled Merlin against him, leaning back, Merlin's body a solid weight over his broad chest. He began tracing idle patterns on Merlin's back as Merlin made a curious snuffling sound, gathering his thoughts. "I found out I was attracted to you the very first time you made pancakes in this flat. Not because they were good, mind you," - if Arthur had always been the best cook of the two, Merlin was practically a pastry wizard - "but because of the way you were licking your fingers. Fat good it did to realize I wanted to be the one to do it - and not only your fingers, if you catch my meaning."

He felt Merlin pull back slightly, mouth agape :

"But that was practically a week after we moved in together !" he exclaimed. "That's... That's..."

"A long time, yeah," Arthur agreed, chuckling at Merlin's bewilderment.

"Oh. And..." Merlin put his head back on Arthur's shoulder, hiding his face in the crook of Arthur's neck. "And the other thing ?" he asked, voice muffled against Arthur's skin as if he was afraid to hear the answer. Realizing this, Arthur rubbed a soothing hand up his spine. "You remember that day you caught the flu at the hospital ?" Merlin nodded. "Well, you were a pathetic mess back then. Seriously, you're a worse patient than Morgana, moaning at your impending death with bloodshot eyes and a forehead warm enough to cook an egg." He lifted a shoulder, overly conscious of Merlin's body against his. "And yet, it didn't bother me as much as it could have. All I wanted was to take care of you, stuffy nose and bleary eyes and all. I guess that was it for me."

Merlin swallowed and nodded again, but Arthur could feel the way his muscles were tense and his breathing sharp. He lightened his hold on Merlin, should he want to move away, and ghosted his lips over his temple. "There's something else," he realized. "Something's bothering you." He felt Merlin's shaky exhale against his skin and knew he was right. "What is it?" he asked, voice purposefully neutral. Merlin reluctantly pulled back, not quite meeting Arthur's gaze. "I... It was around the same time for me," he admitted roughly. "I mean, you've always been gorgeous," he said, gesturing to Arthur's body, "and I fell in love with you within the first year." He swallowed. "But it wasn't always easy. It probably wasn't for you too, but..." He trailed off, Arthur's unwavering attention focused on him. "Do you remember Vivian ?" Merlin asked suddenly, fingers clenching where he'd rested them on Arthur's forearms.

Arthur tilted his head to the side, thoughtful. He did remember that name, but he was rather curious as to what particular situation Merlin was referring to.

"Not very tall, blonde, nose perpetually wrinkled in disgust ?" Merlin's lips twitched in an aborted smile and he nodded. "I remember her," Arthur added. "We slept together a few times, around two years ago ?" Merlin nodded again. "What about her ?"

"You brought her here once," the brunet replied, voice wavering. "I shouldn't have been there at the time, but I was too tired so Gwen took over my shift and sent me back home. When you found out...well, you were completely plastered. Drunk out of your arse, really. Apparently, you wanted to shag Vivian, and you wanted to do it in private. So you threw me out." Merlin closed his eyes at Arthur's sharp intake of breath. "The things you said," he finally admitted, and dread spread like ice in Arthur's chest at the sight of Merlin's gutted expression, "weren't exactly nice."

Arthur could only imagine what those words could have been. Ever since he'd found out about his growing feelings for his roommate, he'd done anything he could to hide them, denying himself of every hope. Drunk, that had no doubt translated into complete disregard in a desperate attempt to conceal how he really felt.

No wonder Merlin had looked so sad the next time he'd seen him.

"I don't remember," Arthur said quietly. "But for whatever I said, I truly am sorry. Hurting you was never my intention."

"I know," Merlin chuckled humorlessly. "Really, Arthur, I know. I mean, it's kind of obvious now that you didn't mean it. But still. It kind of cemented it for me, you know? That I could never have you. Talk about a hopeless crush."

Arthur grimaced at that, tugging Merlin closer. "I don't recall what I told you that day. But Merlin..." Arthur sighed, pressing their foreheads together. "Remember how Vivian looked like ?" He felt the wrinkles of Merlin's frown, heard the questioning sound he hummed. "She was blonde. Long, straight hair. Thin lips, petite figure but well defined curves. Notice anything ?" Merlin moved his head from side to side, never once breaking the tenuous point of contact with Arthur. "She was your opposite in every aspect," Arthur explained, heart heavy but Merlin comfortable in his arms. "Because I really needed to take my mind off of you. The fact that you were there, when all I wanted was to forget...It's not an excuse. But it's an explanation, at least."

He let the silence fill the lull in the conversation, just for a second, connecting the dots in his mind before asking :

"That's why you went back to Ealdor, right?"

Merlin shrugged. "Well, yeah. I didn't exactly wanted to see you afterwards." He blinked once as Arthur pressed a slow kiss on his forehead in renewed apology.

"And you didn't answer your phone for almost a week. I bet it had nothing to do with Ealdor being impervious to technology. Talk about a rubbish excuse," Arthur teased, tenderness hidden behind his mocking tone. "My phone was perfectly fine."

Merlin snorted. "Talk about yours," he taunted back. " _My father gave me a few days off_ ? That never happened in real life, let me tell you." He tilted his head in wonder. "You still drove all the way to Ealdor in the middle of the night to drag me back though."

Arthur carelessly lifted a shoulder. "Someone had to stop you from doing something stupid," he replied humorously. "Besides, I did end up taking a few days off."

Merlin shook his head, amused. "Binging on my mother's brownies and pissing off your father in the process."

Arthur winced at the mention of his father but shot back :

"At least your mother's cooking is palatable."

Merlin's chuckled, genuine. "And who made the pancakes you polished off this morning, uh ? Also, I'm not sure about that," he added, considering. "I mean, you still had to work double time the next week, plus giving up your mum's curry recipe to Gwen in exchange for covering my arse at the hospital."

Arthur only shrugged at that, emotion catching in his throat like a dust bunny in a vacuum cleaner. "It was worth it, though," he replied with a secret smile. "I got to have you back."

"Your mum's curry, Arthur."

"I would give it up a thousand times over," Arthur said seriously, "if it meant being here with you today."

Merlin pressed his cheek against Arthur's neck, heart swelling with happiness. "Gods, you're a sap."

"Romantic, Merlin," Arthur countered, amused. "I'm a romantic."

They fell quiet, and Arthur almost jumped as Merlin started shaking in his arms. "Merlin ?" he called, suddenly worried. As he pulled back, however, Arthur found that Merlin's shoulders were hunched, shaking with silent laughter, and his eyes, twinkling with mirth, were reduced to thin crescents. Arthur let out a long suffering sigh, tinted with lingering concern and no small amount of relief. "What is it ?"

"Arthur..." Merlin managed through breathless giggles. "Gods, we've really been stupid, haven't we ?"

Arthur let out an undignified snort. "Tell me about it." He sighed theatrically. Then, suddenly, his head shot up, bumping uncomfortably against Merlin's, who apparently had the same idea. "Not a word to the others," he threatened with a jabbing finger.

"Hell no," Merlin agreed instantly, shuddering at the prospect. "They would be insufferable."

"Besides, it's not like they absolutely have to know for how long we've been pining for each other. They can't do anything about it now."

Merlin nodded vigorously, much to Arthur's amusement. A comfortable silence fell over them both, encompassing the dripping dishes on the counter, the discarded sugar and strawberry jam forgotten on the table, and the unbearable fondness with which Arthur traced the outline of Merlin's lips. A sudden beam of sunlight inched into the kitchen from one corner of the window, small and shy, only to reach out and play with Arthur's hair, casting the soft strands in a golden halo. Merlin's eyes widened and he ducked his head, smiling helplessly under Arthur's curious gaze.

"Merlin ? What is it ?"

Merlin shook his head, slightly embarrassed, but under Arthur's scrutiny, he finally replied : "It's nothing," he promised. "I was thinking that I was lucky to have you, is all." Arthur's sharp intake of breath resounded into the kitchen, and his lips shaped in a brilliant, brilliant smile. He pressed a slow, lingering kiss on Merlin's mouth, framing his upper lip with his own, before scrapping his teeth along Merlin's jaw in an enticing manner. "You don't know the half of it," he whispered hoarsely.

"Oh shit." Merlin pulled back abruptly, a flush on his cheeks. "Arthur," he gasped. "Shower. Now."

"Impatient much ?" Arthur teased, ignoring the sudden heat in his groin to raise an eyebrow at Merlin. He still let Merlin tug him toward the bathroom though. Even his self-control had its limits.

"Two fucking years, Arthur," Merlin growled. "I've moved through more than a case of blue balls, and believe me, I'm not that keen of repeating the experience." He slammed the door shut behind them, moving back to take off Arthur's shirt, who complied without protest. "Do you how many times I wanted to jump you ? Do you know how much of a torture it was to watch your work out in the living room every damn day ? Your fucking muscles, Arthur," he swore, the expletives falling easily from his mouth - not that it surprised Arthur in the least, since Merlin had always been fond of a colorful vocabulary. "Your abs and your biceps and your thighs. And your _arse_ , for God's sake."

"My arse, uh ?" Merlin blushed and looked away, startling a laugh from Arthur's lips. "Try see you walking out of the shower practically naked everytime because you conveniently forgot to take your clean clothes with you." Now that, considering the way Merlin bit his lip, hadn't been intentional, but that didn't erase two years of numbing himself under the cold spray or desperately taking himself in hand every time Merlin strolled into the living room with droplets of water sliding down his chest and only a thin towel wrapped around his hips.

The fact that he looked like a drowned kitten with his hair plastered on his head did nothing to hide the fact that he was bloody gorgeous. And that Arthur was doomed.

Surging forward, Arthur urgently divested Merlin from his rainbow t-shirt before getting rid of the last of his clothes, and Merlin did the same, elbow bumping against the sink in his haste. Once naked, they stared at each other, cautious, their bodies on display in a way they never had been before. Arthur felt strangely self-conscious, despite the fact that he knew he was good-looking and had nothing to be ashamed of. But this wasn't some faceless one night stand he would forget in the morning, who was in it for Arthur's body and nothing else. This was Merlin, whom Arthur loved dearly, hopelessly, and intended to spend the rest of his life with - if Merlin would let him.

And those feelings, in all their primal truth, made Arthur feel more naked than the absence of his clothes.

Distracting himself, he looked back at Merlin, mouth drying at the sight. His roommate was gorgeous, that was an established fact, but he was even more striking up close : all planes and angles, he had wide shoulders, a tapered waist, and defined muscles in all the right places. His hair, almost black under the neon's light, was curling softly around sticking out ears - begging for a comb - while his blue eyes were shining, with joy and love and all the emotions they had yet to name. His lips were shaped in a tender smile, softening the intensity of his gaze, and he was blushing under Arthur's scrutiny, aroused, not quite shy but lacking his usual confidence.

This was new, for the both of them, but there was a certain familiarity to the situation anyway, born of all their hopes and fantasies. It was a moment they were sharing together, and that alone was enough to soothe Arthur's fraying nerves.

Merlin was the first to break the spell, roughly pushing Arthur backwards to press him against the shower stall. Arthur yelped as the cold glass hit his back, startled, but he quickly recovered as Merlin pressed himself along the lines of his body, soft and solid and unbelievably warm. He grabbed Merlin's hips to align their now obvious erections and thrust once, smothering Merlin's choked out moan with a hard kiss, lacking the finesse of earlier, all harsh teeth and tangling tongues.

Using a strength honed by years of dedicated care, he flipped Merlin over, who was lost in the kiss, and blindly reached out to turn on the water. And then, in retaliation from earlier, he pushed Merlin inside, right under the cold spray. Merlin's undignified shriek nearly burst his eardrums as the water slid down his body - and what a sight to behold - but Arthur wasn't so cruel as to leave Merlin shivering, so he climbed in right after, hissing at the cold but wrapping himself around Merlin, water easing the slow glide of skin against skin. The spray quickly warmed up, and Arthur thankfully relaxed his muscles, snorting as Merlin pinched his arse.

"You're a prat," the brunet complained, sliding his hand over Arthur's chest. He brushed a sensitive nipple as he went, making Arthur gasp. "I already took a shower this morning. And here I offer to accompany you, only to be plunged in such torment by the very object of my love. What worse fate the gods could have designed for me ?"

Arthur huffed, amused - ever since his mum had pushed him to take acting classes in high school, Merlin had developed a flair for drama, and his long rants never ceased to amaze Arthur. It was one of their favorite hobbies, too : instead of watching movies, they would reenact old comedies and classical tragedies, pushing their roles to the extreme before falling into a heap on the floor, laughing until they couldn't even breathe anymore.

"By all means, Sir Emrys, I assure you that no chains are holding you prisoner," Arthur claimed, a slow smirk spreading on his lips - which was rather comical, considering the water falling down his face. "You are free to leave as you please."

Merlin groaned loudly, unable to believe how much of a prat Arthur was - and really, he should be used to it by now - but instead of retaliating in kind, he let a mischievous smile play at the corner of his lips and grabbed Arthur's rock hard cock in one hand, swiping a thumb under the head. Pleased by the desperate moan that stumbled from Arthur's lips when his head fell backwards, thudding as it hit the wall, he pressed forward, marveling at the shifts of Arthur's muscles and the perfect way they fitted against each other - like puzzle pieces.

His body electrified by the mere touch of Merlin's hands, Arthur was harder than he'd been in ages, feeling lightheaded as all his blood rushed south.

"Well, Mister Pendragon," Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, licking a few droplets of water on his lips. "Are you sure you want me to step out?"

Arthur gritted his teeth, jaw clenched tight as Merlin worked him, oh so slowly. "Don't. Fucking. Stop." He grunted, fighting against the insane desire to just flip Merlin over and take him right there. As Merlin let out a deep, teasing laugh, Arthur concluded that two could play this game : he reached a hand at Merlin's nape and roughly hauled him close, pouring all his desire in a bruising kiss.

It was when Merlin let out a breathless whine that they finally dropped the pretense, coming together under the falling water, hands roaming over skin and lips trailing down cheeks before pressing together, softly, questing tongues meeting in a searing kiss. Hunger and tenderness were warring inside them, a battle of love and lust, until both merged together in perfect understanding, hands gentle as they wrought pleasure, lips yielding as they trailed on skin. They couldn't last long, not like this, so close after years of yearning, and it's with a half cry that Arthur let his orgasm wash over him, Merlin's hand around his length. Merlin followed him a second later, slumping bonelessly against Arthur, and his legs wobbled as Arthur held him up, breathing in harsh pants while Merlin pressed damp kisses to every patch of skin he could reach.

Mindful of Merlin's sensitive skin and despite the aftershocks of his orgasm still rolling through him, Arthur took it upon himself to clean them both, Merlin's body pliant between his hands. Then, he cut the water spray and stepped out of the shower, shivering slightly as he wrapped himself in his towel. He handed Merlin his own, who mindlessly dried his hair before exhaling loudly :

"Holy shit," he commented, looking faintly bewildered and thoroughly satisfied at the same time. "That was..."

"Amazing? Incredible? Mind-blowing ?" Arthur offered with an exaggerated wink, cursorily rubbing a towel over his body before starting to dress himself, the clothes sticking uncomfortably to his still damp skin.

"...All of that, yeah," Merlin admitted ruefully.

Arthur's smile turned soft, and he pressed a kiss on Merlin's full lips, almost chaste after all they had done.

"It's weird, though," Merlin commented as they left the bathroom. "It's not usually this good. For a first time, I mean."

Arthur shrugged. "I've wanted you for a long time," he said in all honesty. "That the technicalities weren't optimum is kind of irrelevant. It was you, and that did it for me. Not much experience needed."

"Do you have any ?" Merlin asked, and Arthur found upon looking back at him that he was worrying his lip again. "Experience," Merlin clarified. "With men." Arthur didn't respond right away, but he tilted his head in acknowledgement. "There's been some, yes," he finally replied. "A club or two, some one night stands during business trips. Handjobs mostly, blowjobs sometimes. Even more, once or twice." He considered Merlin for a while, twisting his lips in a half smile. "I know what to expect, if that's what you're asking."

Merlin flushed but nodded. "Yeah. So that's good. I mean. Yeah."

"Eloquent as ever," Arthur teased, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "Glad to know I reduced you to such a babbling mess."

"I'm not usually the most coherent after sex " Merlin snipped back, totally unashamed. "You'll have to get used to it."

Arthur's smile broadened, even if Merlin couldn't see it. "I fully intend to," he replied, then winked at Merlin over his shoulder.

"Speaking of which," Merlin butted in, "you're so very lucky we're Saturday."

"Because ?" Arthur asked. He led Merlin to the kitchen, where the dishes had dried but still needed a visit to the dishwasher itself, and began to empty the latter as Merlin hopped on the kitchen table. He sat cross-legged, sending Arthur a guileless smile - because _dammit, Merlin, I don't want my food to be Merlin's-socks flavored, ever_ :

"Because," Merlin replied with emphasis, "it's my day off. I would never have the courage to go to work right now." He self-consciously checked his phone, but other than some notification inviting him to Gwaine's next party, there was nothing. Which meant that, if he wasn't called back to the hospital for an emergency, he would have to go the next day for the night shift, which in turned implied at least a full day in Arthur's company.

"What do you want to do when you're done with this ?" Merlin asked, pointing to the dishwasher.

Arthur lifted a shoulder. He had no particular plans for the day, but that didn't mean he couldn't find something. "I thought about calling Nimueh," he finally replied. "To tell her what happened with - my father." Merlin's features softened at that, and Arthur swallowed dryly. "Maybe I'll cook something quick for lunch," - chicken pasta, most likely, since it was Merlin's favorite - "and then we can put on some mushy movie marathon." His gaze flicked to the cupboard. "There's some popcorn left in there, if I remember correctly. And maybe some pistachios as well."

"Sounds good to me," Merlin replied, his smile soft, affectionate. "We could order takeaway tonight, if you don't feel like cooking two meals in a row. Put on some trashy rom-com, eat some ice cream, and cuddle a bit on the couch. And then..." He grinned wickedly. "Wherever the night leads us."

"I don't mind cooking," Arthur offered, the intensity of his gaze leaving no doubt as to his thoughts on Merlin's last suggestion. "As long as I get to spend the day with you. I don't really want to go out or anything." He looked away, cheeks threatening to pinken under Merlin's gaze. "I'd rather we were alone."

"Right there with you," Merlin nodded, flashing Arthur a happy grin. "I'm not sharing you today." Arthur snorted and finished loading the machine, standing up as Merlin put the jam and sugar back in their designated cupboards. "But first," Merlin added, looking somewhat fondly at the rays of sunlight dancing in the air and caressing the floor with shapeless fingers, "first, I want to take a nap."

Arthur laughed at that, happiness stretching and stretching until the restraints snapped and it filled him, heart threatening to burst under the onslaught.

"Didn't you just wake up ?" he inquired, eyebrow raised again, an amused light dancing in his sky blue eyes.

"Very much earlier than usual," Merlin replied, jumping down the table. He started to tug Arthur toward his own bedroom, which, considering the state Arthur had slept in, was probably for the best. "And whose fault is that?"

"Mine, of course," Arthur replied with an over exaggerated, if faintly sheepish, sigh.

"Yours, absolutely," Merlin confirmed as he closed the door behind them. "So I'm taking a nap and you're coming with me." He flashed Arthur a cocky smile, head tilted to the side. "Come on, you can even try your hand at creepy vampire staring while I sleep." He grinned as Arthur let out a sharp bark of laughter and took off his clothes, Arthur imitating him with rolling eyes. They fell onto Merlin's bed together and wiggled under the covers, Merlin turning his back on Arthur and Arthur winding an arm around his waist, tugging him close.

Once they were comfortably settled, Arthur pressed a soft kiss at Merlin's nape and Merlin burrowed himself further into his arms, eyes fluttering shut in utter contentment. And if the mischievous ray of sunlight that had woken him up earlier also prevented his sleep by dancing over his closed eyelids, well. Considering how his morning had turned out, Arthur couldn't really complain.

**Author's Note:**

> And they lived happily ever after. Thank you for reading !


End file.
